Maria wakes at 5am to help her dad dress and eat before his morning meds. She loves yoga but hasn’t taken a yoga class in two years. Her friends stopped inviting her out months ago. One morning it hits her: she’s given everything—and forgotten herself.
Taking care of people feels good and can be one of the most meaningful things we do. To know that you are giving your energy and love to support someone is a powerful expression of human connection. We aren’t meant to exist in isolation – we are wired to care for those around us and do what is possible to support our community, whoever that may consist of. But oftentimes providing this care can be draining, requiring constant sacrifice and effort that can leave individuals feeling burnt out. This is especially true for caregivers, who dedicate themselves to supporting a friend or a loved one. In fact, this overwhelming exhaustion from providing care to others is so common that it is often referred to as caregiver burnout.
A caregiver can encompass many different types of roles but it is regularly used to describe someone who provides assistance to a person who needs help with daily activities due to a disability or illness. Caregiver burnout is the stress and fatigue that can result from constantly providing love and support and tending to someone’s everyday needs. Caregiving can last decades and the stress that can come with it, if not addressed, can take a toll on an individual’s state of mind, health and relationships. Caring for others requires caring for yourself, meaning that without intervention, caregiver burnout can harm not only you but also the person you’re caring for.
Caregiver burnout may be a result of the emotional demands of taking care of someone. You might be a spouse, parent, employee, or friend—all while taking care of someone who depends on you daily. The emotional demands of maintaining these relationships and staying on top of your own job can be extremely hard to balance alongside providing care to someone. It may be hard to not spread yourself too thin, when the health of someone you care about is on the line and you want to be there to give support.
It can also be emotionally exhausting to battle with the fate of your loved ones’ illness, and force yourself to accept that there may not be any way for you to make them completely “well”. Understanding and sitting with this hard truth can suck a great deal of energy out of you.
Another contributing factor to this burnout may be the lack of privacy in this caregiving role. As mentioned previously, caregiving can be a very demanding and lengthy process, forcing you to sacrifice aspects of your own daily routine. In many cases it may mean living with the individual you are caring for, and spending you every waking hour providing care. When individuals do not create space for themselves outside of this role, it may feel like they are losing parts of their individual life, draining them of certain habits/routines/features that fulfill them on a personal level.
Additionally, the ambiguity of roles can cause confusion and stress. When you’re simultaneously a caregiver, family member, and emotional anchor, it’s hard to know where one role ends and another begins.
Oftentimes the root of our anxiety, exhaustion, or overwhelming emotions all come from things we can control. All we need to do is recognize what we can and cannot control, accept it, and redirect our energy. This is relevant with caregiver burnout, because much of the energy we may be using is spent on things that we do not have control over– such as the fate of a loved one’s illness. While we can do our best to provide our loving support and encouragement, much of their condition is out of our hands, and spending time constantly trying to “fix” something, will only leave us feeling drained. Try to make an effort to help in ways you can, but remind yourself that it is not all up to you.
Focus on the positive reasons you chose to care. It might be that the individual you chose to help was there for you when you needed them. Maybe it’s a personal mission. Come back to this motivation and remind yourself of the “why”. In moments of fatigue or frustration, grounding yourself in your motivation can help rekindle your sense of purpose.
Don’t let caregiving take over your life. Make sure that you continue to invest yourself into things that give you purpose and meaning. Create space for yourself to continue participating in activities you enjoy, connecting with your friends, or giving yourself that much needed time alone. There may be friends or family of yours, and if not certain resources that can take over your role while you tend to your own needs. Something that can be extremely helpful is spending time with someone who is a good listener – talking out your feelings can be very therapeutic and release buildup emotions that can be clogging your headspace.
Caregiving does not have to be a one person role – don’t shy away from asking for help. While it may feel safer to control every aspect of the caretaking process, it is actually healthier to speak up if you feel overwhelmed or need help. There are ways for you to spread your responsibilities while still serving a key support system to that loved one. If someone offers help, take it. If no one asks, there are community services, respite care options, and support groups that can help lighten the load. Let go of the idea that you have to do it all to be a good caregiver.
It’s important to stay on top of your basic needs. Sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration—these aren’t luxuries, they’re lifelines. Often, burnout begins when the basics are overlooked. Even short walks, proper meals, or a consistent sleep routine can make a big difference in your resilience.
Feelings associated with depression and burnout can have overlap, but it is crucial to recognize them as two different things – as they require two treatments. With depression you may have felt like your life has lost its happiness, while with burnout, you may feel like all of your energy has been used up. A difference is that depression usually gets better with medication and psychotherapy, while burnout gets better most effectively through controlling the stress of caretaking and focusing on your own health and needs.
Caring for someone else doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. In fact, the more you tend to your own health and wellbeing, the better support you can offer. You are allowed to set boundaries, ask for help, and take time to rest. Compassion fatigue is real—but with awareness and action, it doesn’t have to define your caregiving journey.
Your fulfilling life might be just a FREE consult away. Book now!
