If you had plans to spend Saturday with a friend, and they had to suddenly cancel at the last minute due to an unexpected work emergency, it’s natural a part of you would experience disappointment. Even though your feelings were hurt, you were not harmed. Hurt doesn’t always mean harm. Sometimes people who are keen on manipulating others will conflate hurt and harm in order to make someone feel guilty over a situation that was no one’s fault. If someone in your life is constantly using their disappointment and hurt feelings to accuse you of inflicting harm, you are the target of manipulation. They are trying to get you to do what they want. If this dynamic is in your life, remind yourself that type of person is probably not able to hear the truth. Other options include saying, “I’m sorry you are hurting, maybe we can discuss this later” and removing yourself from the interaction. If this is a dynamic that has already been addressed, you can simply tell them, “I need to go” then simply…go. And live your life and let them live theirs. Anything else would be enabling, which although motivated by compassion, is actually harmful.
